Wednesday, September 30, 2009


I found myself, digging even further into the pits of despair, simply because of...other people's opinions? How lame is that. How pathetic it is that how we feel and think and act could be controlled so much by how other people see us and our actions.

We are the worshippers of opinions. And even those who say, "I don't give a damn!" sometimes try to ensure that other people understand very well that they do not give a damn. And sometimes, when they sense that other people might not be able to see it that way - their way - they get emotional and angry and frustrated.

All we are doing, all of it, are merely role-playing.

All the world's a stage?

I do not know the secret of happiness. And anyone who tells you that, is most probably a fraud trying to fuck you or to get your money.

I do know, though, the secret to despair, having lived with it all my life.

Despair, is most normally associated with self-image. About how we are perceived to stand in this world. How our roles are seen as. The trickster, the victim, the sage, the whore.

Duality, triplicality, dodecahedrality of man.

All these bad feelings of anger, resentment, frustration, hurt and suffering all comes from perception. And more often than not, the perception is not even ours to begin with.

And even then, our own perception can sometimes be suspect.

Anger, despair, suffering, pain, are all addictive. Once you have a taste of it, you will crave more. You begin to fall in love with your role. As tormentor or the tormented. You begin to create scenes for yourself. And so you create a scene.

Then, you build the stage, and you play your roles.

All this emotion, is merely delusion.

I mean, if you're really unhappy at something, you'd go for something else, right?